"i shall call you squishy and you shall be mine"
in the stuggle to be known..i've learned a few things about myself. i don't really want to be known. i don't really want someone to know everything about me...and i certainly don't want to be the one to tell things if it comes to that. it's just too hard to be totally honest about my life and the things i've gone through. people look at you differently, and can very rarely relate. i've always been so different from everyone i know...but they would never know it because i adjust myself to fit the people and situation. don't get me wrong, i'm not always like that. i get to know you a little first and then see how things are going to be. call it being fake if you want, but i have never ever used it in a two-faced way. i have a few friends who know me (the real me) and sadly, they can't always relate either. i choose to show them "me" because i don't think they will laugh at me or dislike me because...just because. (ryan, if you are reading this..you are one of those people). acceptance has always been a hard thing for me. people generally either like me or they don't. they either see me as nice..or they don't. usually there is no in between. part of me whats to shout out "i don't care what you think, leave me alone!" and the other part of me whats to ask "do you think i'm a good person..do you??" i believe that everyone stuggles at some point to gain acceptance...some people just take it more seriously.
music. isn't it an awesome thing? the feelings you get from it. the stories that come out of it. the way it makes your skin just tingle. every song i have ever heard has given me some sort of emotion. whether it is disgust, happiness, sadness, anger or remorse. every song has a feeling in it. usually, rather than try to explain myself i let someone listen to a song that better explains it. i can relate so many songs to a point in my life where i was happy, sad, angry..anything. it's just beautiful.
i love to ask people questions. and if you are a friend of mine, then you know what i'm talking about. i love to hear my friends talk and answer things i ask...even if they are completely dumb. people are so much more fun when you catch them off-guard with something crazy like "are toilet seat warmers really a good idea..and would you use one?" of course, i usually get weird looks...but there are a few people who can handle me without batting an eye. and to those people, i applaude you.
for some reason i like making the titles of my entries quotes. this one is from the movie "finding nemo." and even though i didn't see it with him...it makes me think of ryan. sorry dude, i'm a weirdo. i warned you.
