::Unexpected Liberation::
"drinking coffee; making plans to change the world."

it's making me crazy..but i'm dealing with it

July 21, 2003
oh, the feelings going through me right now. nothing explains them. i wish i was better with words, or even just expressing my feelings to others. instead, i usually end up crying...saying things that nobody understands..and then writing it all down so it can only be understood by myself. you'd never believe how mad people can get when they don't understand you. when they don't get what you're trying to say, they can turn so cold. and sadly, it is these exact people that i have come to admire and respect. they seem to be happy with themselves, content to be who they are. they could care less how others see them. and whatever has hurt them in the past stays in the past. i have never been like that. what has happened in the past has stayed with me. hurt me again...made me stronger..and broken me down more. i am always trying to think of ways to better myself. i try to be independent. and to a point i really am. there are just certain things that i need to get past. and it's hard. really hard. i try to be nice and understanding. but sometimes i am just selfish with my feelings and can't be either. i'm still growing though, and i guess thats what counts. goodness...i sound like some sort of "help book."
9:43 p.m. ::
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