::Unexpected Liberation::
"drinking coffee; making plans to change the world."

answer the phone dammit!!!

July 30, 2003
the past two years i've kept a journal with me at school. i didn't really write in it at home...just at school. since school has gotten out though, i haven't written in it once. there are a lot of cool things i've written down and saved in there and i wanted to type out one of the better poems. this one is special to me because i read it at an especially hard time in my life.

"Pslam of Life" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not, in mournful numbers

Life is but an empty dream;

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not it's goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

Is destined end or way;

But to act, that each tomorrow

Finds us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no future, however pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury it's dead!

Act-act in the living present!

Heart within and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing leave behind us

Footprints in the sands of time;--

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o'er life's solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.

hopefully you guys kept reading until the end. i found that poem to be one of the best i'd ever read, so i cut it out and taped it in my journal. i figured it was only fair to put it online as well. i haven't met many people who can appriciate good poetry (or poetry in general) so if you're bored or didn't even make it this far then i'm sorry. but if you did then i have a gift for you!!! oh yes!! a wonderful gift!! IT'S (deep announcer guys voice) THE WORD OF THE NIGHT!!!

verisimilitude (n.)

the quality of appearing to be true, real, likely, or probable.

alright. on to more pressing matters. lately i've heard from a few different people that they think i'm insecure. this bothers me for several reasons. #1-i know that i can be insecure about some things. such as how i look at times, or how i come off to people. but for the most part, i don't see myself like that at all. #2-just because i doubt myself at times, that DOES NOT mean that i have a low opinion of myself. excuse me for worrying about what people think sometimes. mostly, i don't really care. but of course, there are certain people that get to me. #3-so i tend to ask a lot of questions about how a person feels and why they feel that way and so on. alright. i'm a curious person. i like to know how people feel. i like people to express their emotions. does that make me insecure? no. at most, that makes me nosy. #4-yes, i have been depressed for a long time. yes, i've tried to kill myself. and yes, my feelings come back from time to time. but those feelings do not come out of insecure emotions. it's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt that way, but it's the truth. so please guys. if i try and talk to you about something that bothers me...don't jump to that "she's insecure" conclusion. yes, i can be. but for the most part, i'm comfortable with myself.

10:53 p.m. ::
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