::Unexpected Liberation::
"drinking coffee; making plans to change the world."

a means to an end

August 29, 2003
i have decided to take a short leave of absence from diaryland. although i love it, and although i enjoy seeing what i write online...so many unforseen circumstances have gotten in the way.

before i go though, i need to say a few things.

all of my life, i have wanted to be loved. i think everybody wants that. i have wanted to be the girl that everyone liked, i have wanted to be smart, and more than anything i have wanted to surround myself with people who liked me as much as i liked them. sadly, the world is not a perfect place. i am not exactly who i have wanted to be, and my mistakes are as evident as ever in my day to day life. i have tried so hard to accept myself, and for the most part...i have succeeded. there are times, yes, when i feel so unloved and misunderstood that it's hard to remember what i like about myself in the first place. i started writing this diary in hopes that people would read it and maybe like me a little better. or less, depending on what they read. i just want to show everyone that i am real. i am a real person. that being said...i am going to continue:

robbie, how do we always keep coming back to this place in our lives? this place that seems so unforgiving and hard. you are one of the most frusterating people i know. you can always call me out on the stupid stuff, make awesome points in arguments, and leave me speechless. you are also one of the most caring, understanding, loving people in my life. i think no matter what happens right now, we will end up together. you know it, and i know it. i love you.

becca, you are my very best friend sista! i love so much more than i thought i had in me. you make me feel like the most special girl in the world, and i only hope i do the same for you.

ryan, someday you and i will reach some sort of understanding. i see you to be very self-absorbed at times and highly arrogant. but you are also a person i respect very much and admire. please don't see me for what i appear to be on the outside, because on the inside there is a lot of difference. my only regret is not letting you see that. i know i said i was real with you, and i was. there just wasn't enough time.

cody, you've been a better friend than i could ever imagine. your heart is truly one of the best in this world, and i don't know what i would do without it.

katie, if there ever was anyone in this world i could relate to/not relate to..it would be you! our similarites and differences are what make me love you so much. you teach me so much every time we hang out. about guys, cars, music..everything. if you were a boy, i'd be all over you! hehe...remember that conversation?

adam, i can always count on you to be my friend. always. i know we've had our issues, but they are so far behind us now! you are such a smart guy, and whats better...you like hanging with me!! thank you for being the awesome person you are.

graham, wow. i'm sitting here trying to think of something brillant to say, and nothing comes to mind. honestly, i admire you more than almost anyone i know. the summer we had last year was one of the best, and i think about you a lot. i love you as much as i could possibly love a friend, and i hope you know this.

alright. now that i've said all i needed to say, i shall conclude this entry.

thanks to everyone for reading what i write. it makes me feel good that you care enough to read my entries. i will return when i get some things clear in my head and otherwise. could be two days, could be months. talk to ya sometime!

10:43 p.m. ::
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