a mess of thoughts....

First, people are very opinionated and hard headed. I knew this before, but after spending three and a half hours in the deliberation room with 11 other people, the fact is more so cemented in my brain.

Second, a career with the government is not for me. I thought it could be, but jury duty has changed my mind.

And third, I can be a leader. Honestly, I think everyone could be, but some just don't have the mind set it takes. I was chosen to be the "leader" of the jury today. Which meant that I led the deliberation process, and got to say the "We, the jury, find the defendent..." part.

Sadly, no verdict was reached because of different opinions and couldn't be reached at all because of those opinions. So I never got to say my big part.

I said it to myself though, and that made me feel better.

-------

I'm listening to Dave right now, and it's making me think of times "long ago".

It's hard to put my feelings into words, but for the sake of this absolutely wonderful entry, I shall try.

I need solitude in my life. I need closure on many things, and until I get it, I will never be satisfied. I will always keep looking ahead to see if it's coming and never focusing on the issues at hand.

I will continue to feel restless, and as it is natural for me, I will wait in anxious anticipation for the next sequence of events to take place.

I will fall in and out of seeming love until I find it for real, and I won't settle until I'm absolutely sure that there is nothing else out there.

I'm trying to live a life for Him, but sometimes it's hard. It's hard to change your beliefs and lifestyle and leave your life in the hands of faith. It's hard to trust, and even harder to love. Is there anything we can say for certain these days?

Not really.

I tried to sort out my thoughts as best I could, and I know they didn't make much sense. Maybe with some sleep and food in my stomach....