it's time to start really living..

I feel so helpless.

Without going too far into detail, Rick is hurting. Badly. And there isn't a thing I can do about it. I can't be there to comfort him and I can't hug him.

Never before have my emotions been part of someone else's. I haven't cried because someone else was upset and crying unless it directly affected me. I'm used to being emotionally cold.

Tonight though, as I sat on the phone, I had tears in my eyes. To hear him so upset made me hurt for him..and it was terrible.

I can't wait until tomorrow night.

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All sad feelings aside, I expierienced something new tonight as well.

The hopeless self denial of falling in love.

Anyone would think I'm crazy if they knew the whole situation...but I don't care.

Rick already knows I'm crazy...