Run with the little guy...create some change..
Maybe not in the most obvious of ways, but it does.
For instance, the relationship I have with Robbie:
I stopped talking to him because I didn't want to be in the situation I was in. I wanted to get away, and possibly forget, all the things we had talked about and promised. It was all very inconvienient to my life, and so I just stopped it.
In turn, he stopped talking to me. An almost 6 year friendship, gone. And all of this because of my abundant confusion on where my life is headed and where I want it to go.
My relationship with my mother is another prime example:
All through my childhood, all she told me were lies. I was promised wonderful things that I never recieved, and longed for the love she never gave. Her treatment of me then, affects my relationships with people now, and I fear I will never have the ability to fully love anyone.
My treatment of her, also affects her ability to have a relationship with me. She may want to have one (or so I've been told by my sister), but my coldness and untrusting nature allows none of it...as much as my heart yearns for it.
It's a hard thought to process, really.
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My mind has been somewhere else lately.
I've been in a different world, and it's been hard to come back down for the sake of reality.
I haven't wanted to talk about it, because I really don't know what it is that's been bothering me.
I think I'm starting to slip back into my old habits, and I don't know how to accept that.
No, I don't want to talk about it. And no, I don't want advice or anything of the sort.
I just feel locked into a position of pure confusion and helplessness and not caring, all at once. I haven't yet decided whether I like it or not, but I know that I've been here before.
My clothes smell like Panera. Damn.
