it was a long ride home.

It can tear even the happiest of couples apart (even briefly) and obscure the vision of love so plainly.

I have always done things for myself. Rarely have I thought of the consequences until it was all said and done, and even after I realized I had done something wrong, I hardly took the time to be sorry about it. Why should I? My life is my own right? Why should I be sorry?

Well, after nineteen years, I think I finally understand what it means to be selfless. Don't get me wrong, I still want my way sometimes, but I'm talking about the big picture here.

In every realtionship I've had (yep, I talk about these a lot), I haven't been looking out for the other person. It's usually about me, and how I'm feeling, and since I'm the only person living in my world so to speak-I'm the center of it. Don't be critical dear reader, we all do it.

I haven't always been forthcoming in my relationships, and my "communication skills" always leave something to be desired.

I met Rick nine months ago though, and I started to change. I wanted to tell him everything about me, more than he probably wanted to know I'm sure. I wanted to be honest, and I knew that I could never lie to him. About anything. Never have I looked out for someone else and their best interest in this way, and never before have I felt like I would die if I hurt someone. I've loved before, but it was different then. Much different.

Due to a complete lapse in judgement though, I screwed up royally and possibly cost myself the best thing I've ever had.

No, I didn't cheat on my boyfriend. I just didn't think my actions would have such far reaching conseqences, nor did I see that relationships (while they may seem to be going perfect) can change in about two seconds. I just didn't think.

Those of you who know me, know that I'm not a malicious person. And you know that, had I thought things through a little better, I wouldn't do or say half of the things I do.

I know you're reading this, and thinking to yourself-"Why? Why is she writing this online? What point is she trying to make?-and my answer is: I'm writing online because it's the only way I know how to vent right now, and I have no point.

I just wanted to explain.