Just a general build up
I can't shake the feeling of being stretched too thin. And I feel like everyone is expecting something out of me, and it's impossible to please them all.
My grandfather died tonight. His relation to me is a long story, and so for the sake of this entry, we will call him my grandfather. In essence, that is what he was. I'm not really sure how to respond to this, and so for the past few hours, I haven't been able to think much. The events of my day, added to that news is enough to make me go crazy. Or slightly crazy.
My sister was the one who called me. Not my mother, but my sister. And it was a fact that didn't go unnoticed...obviously. Thinking about that brings up more unpleasent thoughts...and it's more than I can deal with.
Try as I might, I can't seem to rid myself of all the things that have caused me pain. I turn to God, I turn to prayer, and I even turn to this journal to work out my thoughts and feelings of the things that hurt. They will never go away though, and it's a fact that I learned long ago. No amount of denial will change it, and carrying them with me will always be a daily struggle until there is closure.
I used to be terrified of death. I never have been one to deal with it very well, and with the events of today...well, I really don't know what to do with myself.
