::Unexpected Liberation::
"drinking coffee; making plans to change the world."

And for my next trick...

December 08, 2004
I'm not a mean person. Period.

I don't try to say mean things, I don't like to be mean, and I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt when they hurt me....regardless of what some of you may think.

I hate getting nasty with people, and I hate saying things that I know will widen the rift....but sometimes, you just have to defend yourself.

There is a limit to how much I can take, and that limit has been reached time and time again....people can't seem to help themselves anymore than I can help them.

To conclude, I really hate that I had to get nasty with someone tonight. Because of that, they probably think that I'm a bitch and waaaaaaaaay too uptight. Truthfully, maybe I am...but I think my last entry speaks for itself.
-------

So, with my birthday in a couple days, I have decided to move on.

The new year is starting, and there are a few things that I would really like to leave in 2004. It's been a 'hard goes it' kinda year, and the older I'm getting the more things are changing. Not to sound like an old woman, but I can't live in the past...I need to move on.

So bear with me. The next few paragraphs are going to be the portrait of days spent reminising (cause we all know that I do that a lot).

I would mainly like to leave Rick behind.

As much as I know that I should be over him, I'm not. He was my best friend, and there was never a man that I was more in love with. He understood me so completely and made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the whole world; I fell and I fell fast.

The best part was, so did he. From the very first moment, we clicked. He was incredible, he made me laugh and laughed with me. Our "super duper date nights", trips to WalMart, long drives to nowhere and banana milkshakes made everything that was wrong in life seem like nothing. During those nine months, I was the happiest I had ever been.

Having it end was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I had never grown so close to someone so fast, never told secrets to anyone that I had shared so openly with him, never laughed so much and loved someone else so selflessly. I haven't been able to date (seriously) since then, and it'll probably be awhile before I can.

I need to let it go though. I can't keep on loving the memory of what I had, but instead tuck it away and leave it alone. If God took something that incredible out of my life, I need to trust that something even better is coming up.

So, I'm welcoming my 20th birthday and 2005 this weekend!! All of it!! Rolled into one fun filled weekend!

Cheers to happier days!

9:45 p.m. ::
prev :: next