That's Cassie. Her elbow itches and she's whimsical

What the hell is my problem?

I haven't been on time for a single thing in the past three weeks, my schoolwork suddenly seems terribly overwhelming, and I've been sick. Very sick.

It's 11pm, and I have a paper due in nine hours. A paper that I'd rather not do. In fact, I'd so rather eat my toenails or something.

Well...maybe not.

My friends are irritated with me, which makes me irritated with them. I'm sick of people being pissed at me for stupid things, and I'm sick of people thinking they know who I am...when they so obviously do not. I'm sick of having to act a certain way around certain people..it's too stressful. I know that I'm not what certain people want me to be, and I'm starting to not care. People I have loved for so long, no longer seem to hold that magic key to my happiness. It hurts, because these are people I love and respect, but they don't seem to know me anymore.

I was recently asked the question "Cassie, do you know who you are?"...and my answer was "Yes, for the most part, I do." I listen to songs that make me cry, I get reflective and write, I lay on my floor and listen to Howie Day songs for no reason, I get in my car and just drive..to nowhere. I get depressed, I think of death, I constantly second guess myself, I worry that I will fail, and I have passion and fire and the drive to succeed in life. I get insecure, I feel inadequate and I had the ability to be cold and hurtful. I don't hold my opinions inside, and I don't have much patience. For the most part, I know who I am, and I'm always finding out more. Of all of these things I am sure.

I wish people wouldn't be unhappy with me, because there is so much in this world to love and be happy with. Sadly, it's the exact nature of that statement that will continue to alienate me from everything that I've held close to me in the past few years. My friends especially. Guranteed, not one of them will understand what is meant by that.. and it's merely my whimsy ways of thinking that will widen the gap. I simply don't feel like I belong where I've continued to stay, and it's a fact that has continued to follow me..and I have ignored.

I love truth, and all that it stands for. However, truth can be one of the most honestly, hurtful things known in this world...and most of the people I surround myself with don't know the honest truth about me. And that can't continue. I refuse to live lies, and in leaving out parts of myself that make me who I am..I am lying. In some roundabout/dramatic/uninspired/sublevel of my head, it just feels wrong.

Man, I don't even remember all that I wrote. I have reached the end of my train of thought..and I can't remember what I wrote a few paragraphs ago.

That can't be good.