Pop. 21, 291
I was totally ready for Blue Merle. A few hours ago, I was getting off work and amped to be getting ready for a show that I've been waiting for since the beginning of April. I love Blue Merle, and seeing them was going to be the highlight of my week.
However, it was not meant to be.
God had other plans.
So much has happened this year; stuff that I can't take back and wouldn't even want to take back regardless of how much it hurt.
No, I'm not talking about Rick:)
My life is full of little drama issues, and things that I go through in order to become who I am supposed to be. I am, by no means, the person I am going to end up, and slowly but surely-life is kicking me in the butt and reminding of that fact.
How do you like that? Slow kicks in the butt. They're the worst.
For the past two years, I have faded somewhere between the fierce God-loving girl and depressed self loathing girl. I have been both at numerous and different parts of the past two years, but have always managed to come back to what I feel is truth. That silly girl who is just a little bit random, full of energy, loud, opinionated, goal minded, and blunt almost to a fault. I have done things that I am not proud of, doubt my ability to love and be loved, ask God a million questions a day, feel guilt over things beyond my control, fall back into dangerous patterns, and silently curse myself for all the dumbs things that go through my head. My days of despondency are mostly limited to once a month, although I never realize it until after the fact. Sometimes I wish I was someone else, and sometimes I really like who I am.
My problems are no bigger than those of any other person, and while my world does revolve around me-I am not the only person in it.
I made bad choices this year, plain and simple. They made me realize things about myself I wouldn't have realized without them, and I consider myself better for them. I'm human.
Tonight, I finally learned about those things that I need to give up. Those toxic things that made me dislike who I was during the duration of their stay, and those things for which without I may never have met the person I will be tomorrow.
