Nobody said it was easy
I've been listening to The Scientist by Coldplay. The song...the one that started it all.
I remember when I first heard this song (which I'm listening to at this very moment, by the way), and I remember loving it and not knowing it's name.
I remember that night and what it held for me. I remember the opening of the car door and hearing this song...and falling head over heels in love.
I remember driving down an unknown road and listening to this song has we embarked on an adventure that included much laughter and singing.
I remember, months after that, sitting in my car torturing myself listening to this song and wondering why the world wasn't perfect.
I remember telling him that I was going to drive my car into Harrison Bay, and boy, wouldn't he be sorry if I did?
I remember turning off the radio everytime this song came on, and avoiding everything that was Coldplay until Febuary.
I remember that whenever I heard this song, it sent me into a downward spiral of hate and self loathing at which point nobody could stand to be around me.
It wasn't the lyrics. Although ironically, they fit almost perfect now. Almost. It was the love that the song held, the memories, and all the fights that could be fixed by sitting together and hearing it. It was all the smiles, laughter, funny jokes, monkeys, banana milkshakes, and car rides that were wrapped up in Chris Martin's voice.
So why am I listening to it now?
Because, I don't need those memories to haunt me. I love this song, and I loved it before I loved him.
Does it still hurt a little? Heck yes. I can't change everything, and there will always be a small part of me that hurts. Losing friends is never fun, and I will always wish that I could have closure.
For those that may be wondering, no. I don't still love him. I miss the good things that we had that so few relationships in my life have, but there were many bad parts that I realize would have just ended us later.
See? An hour of reflection.
Now, I must clean my room:)
