Travel Diary 3

Sometimes things just hurt.

I don't think I was prepared for this summer at all. I knew it was going to challenge me, and I knew that I would be changed. What I didn't know is that God's time frame wasn't as large as I thought.

I figured that throughout the entire summer, I would change. In fact, I welcomed it. I know there are things about myself that need changing, and I was excited to face them. Change is never easy with me, and it's almost always come at an awful price when it's happened. However, I thought that this summer would be just the opposite.

Goodness. This is a hard entry.

I don't think I could return to Tennessee right now the same person I was a week ago. I have already changed. It's amazing to think about, but it's happened. My outlook is different, and for the most part...it makes me happy.

I'm lonely though. Everything I was so sure of in TN, is suddenly nothing like I thought it was. Everything that I loved and looked forward to there...just isn't here. It's not in my heart either, which scares me. I've trusted, and lost. Been open, and shut again. The road to God is straight and narrow, but it's covered with rocks and branches and the grass is growing in some spots and not in others. It's not exactly pretty to look at, but making to the other side is all that matters.

It just takes a strong person to look at that road and decide that they actually want to walk on it and trust that the end is worth it.

Trust. Something I've never been good at.

I'm just lonely, and hurt, and in amazing awe of this place that I have decided to live for two months. It's incredibly beautiful, but the thoughts in my head hinder my enjoyment some days....and when those days come...I have never felt more alone.

I wish I had my best friend to talk to; but that person is a long way away from the person I thought I knew. And I can't seem to find them anymore.

I miss you guys. Please pray for me (if that's your thing) and write me emails. I miss those.