Blue is the shade of sadness

Sometimes, I wish I was many people so that I could save the world. Honestly, I see everything in shambles around me; and a year ago it would have affected me. Not anymore. I see everything with the eyes of someone who isn't stunned at all.

It's almost scary how far removed I am from the issues of the world.

When I first heard about the New Orleans hurricane and all the problems down there, I didn't really process it. I mean hey, natural disasters are a part of life right? I continued to read the paper everyday, and the sad stories about people losing everything that they never had in the first place...but it didn't affect me. I live in Chattanooga, far from the sadness.

Today, I was really tired when I got home from work. I'd had a very early shift, and all I was interested in doing was sleeping. So I snuggled down in my sleeping bag (another story for another time) and turned on the tv with the intentions of using it to lull me to sleep. Even when I'm dead tired I have to watch a little tv beforehand in order to fall asleep in a timely fashion.....ANYWAY.

I started watching MTV, and they had just finished doing a "documentary" if you will, on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. They had sent people right into the middle of the devastation and had them tape interviews, rescue missions, and their own thoughts on the entire situation. In all the news coverage I have seen so far (and I watch the news a lot for various reasons), this was the most moving. There was something very raw and real about it, and the emotions started coming.

I'm mad, sad, frustrated, hurt, scared, and impressed. The impression is due to the fact that I see so many things happening in our world today, and I know that soon it won't be like this anymore. The fact that I can see the Living Word so alive is incredible...and it impresses me daily.

The other emotions are just as real though.

In my sole humble opinion, I think our government stinks.

Let's face it, they let us down continuously and with seemingly very little remorse. I adore the idea of politics, and enjoy the different debates on issues that are nowhere near to getting solved. That's what makes us Americans. We're spoiled and can afford to debate for years on moral issues that in the grand scheme of the things aren't that important anyway. I hate to beat an almost dead horse, but take Stem Cell Research for example. What is the big deal about supporting something that could potentially help a lot of people? Sure, there is always going to be evil people who want to clone other evil people...but who cares? The world is going to end, and they'll be toast. We're so focused on meaningless arguments and pointing fingers at each other nonetheless that we can't even help our own.

The ones who pay those stupid government imposed taxes that go to funding those ridiculous arguments.

I'm disappointed and scared. Disappointed that there aren't better people representing our country...the lesser of two evils, but evil nonetheless. Scared because I have to live here, and therefore am subject to the same treatment and letdowns and reprecussions of bad leadership.

I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed because we're so well off and so selfish. Embarrassed because we're turning against each other, fighting within our walls, and not rising to our potential as one of the wealthiest countries in the world. Embarrassed to even call myself an American sometimes, and I've never felt that way.

Until now.

I have been virtually unharmed by our world. I live in a nice home, I have a nice job, I have my own car, and I always have money in the bank. I have the means to do many things with my life, and the ability to read the paper and watch the news every single day and hear the life stories of people I could never relate to in any significant way. My worldly drama consists of the ongoing debate of coffee or tea? Pizza or salad? A nap or a walk? My biggest hurdle right now? Learning how and when to say no to the demands constantly placed on me. My daily struggles? My ever growing relationship with God. Dragging myself out of bed for work. Meaningless things that are so ordinary they can't even be called real problems.

You want real problems? Try having your house, your place of employment, your car, everything you own...submerged in water. Try having to pick up the pieces of your life after an earthquake hits, or a tsunami, or a tornado.

There isn't really a point to this entry.

I'm just sad. I'm included in the selfish sector of our world, and rarely stop to think about the world in the unpretty state that it's in. I've grown accustomed to it, knowing that people need to be reached and hoping to reach them one day with the Word of Truth....but forgetting that people just need help. They just need love, acceptance, respect.

Sometimes, I wish I could save the world...but I don't exactly know. I look around me and think "It's almost over...this means that it's almost over." And I separate myself emotionally because I can. Because I have that ability. Because the pain isn't mine.

I think I've gone in circles enough for one night.

Happy Sabbath.