I remember...

I didn't get out of my bed until 5pm, mostly because I was sleeping, and partly because today wasn't the kind of day to do anything BUT stay in bed.

My thoughts have been flooded with all sorts of things lately. Things that take the form of memories, but are more like pretty pictures. Pretty and alive.

I remember when I was twelve, and I would sit in my room for hours and draw. I would design clothing, and I would use all sorts of funky colors and patterns. It made me want to play with my own clothes, and I did. For at least two years, I was that "weird" kid. I wore funky clothes and tried to make my hair the craziest it could be. I liked being different, and I like shocking people. I didn't like the stares and lack of friends, but I think that for the time being, I was pretty content to be who I wanted. My father refused to take me anywhere public for the longest time though, and so I eventually stopped....and moved on to the "baggy gangsta wannabe" look. Arguments ensued, and I think it was the beginning of my rebellious phase.

I also remember the first time I felt completely heartbroken. It was the day that we moved to Tennessee, and it was 4am. My very best friend in the world (and my boyfriend at the time) had come to say goodbye to me. My family has been staying in a hotel for a few days since our house had been packed up, and moving day had finally arrived. His name was Robbie, and he and his best friend had come to say goodbye to my entire family. We'd been together almost a year, and I had truly felt he was my soulmate. I cried, and cried...and cried some more. I sat down in the doorway and refused to move...and I continued to cry. He finally had to leave first, and I remember him saying "Bye Cass...I love you." I still think that that's the hardest goodbye I've ever had, and he continues to be one of the only people who call me Cass.

I remember the first time I saw my mother in over nine years. I walked into the Fresno airport, saw her first, and pretended I didn't. I walked to a corner as far away as I could get from her, and pulled out a hairbrush from my backpack. I was brushing my hair as she approached me and looked at me with a question in her eyes. "Cassandre?" I looked at her with cool eyes, and nodded...and we left the airport. She took me shopping that day.

I remember Fourth of July at my grandparents house. The massive dinners, lots of family, and the carnival at the beach. In all honesty, it wasn't the coolest carnival...but it was tradition. Every single year, we go watch the parade, make a huge lunch and spend the entire day at the beach(and I use that term loosely..as it was a lake). There was live music, volleyball, and swimming to be had. I remember the floating "docks" and being completely freaked out of swimming out to them because of the scary deep water creatures. The docks were simply large square floating platforms that were set out in the middle of the swimming area. You could swim out to them, and lay on them or dive off. I was always scared to do it, and I always swam really fast back to shore....but I did it a couple of times every summer. Sandpoint Idaho is one of my favorite summer spots.

I remember the first time I fell in love. It was the most overpowering and wonderful emotion I had ever felt. We were completely wrapped up in each other, and such an huge part of each other emotionally. In a way, he was the only person who had completely tuned in to who I was and what I wanted out of my life. He would take long random drives with me, talk to me for hours, and do any spontaneous thing that came up. So many times, I would look and him and wonder what he saw in me. I thought he was the only guy for me, and for nearly two years, I continued to feel that way. Luckily, God's plans just take longer to see....sometimes, much longer than I have the patience for:)

In more recent memories, I remember the first time I met Heather Lynn. She breezed by me at work, and didn't talk to me for the first 20 minutes I was there. Finally, she asked me one question...and when I answered she said "You know, it's not important that we know all the details of each others lives. We just met." From then on, I was always highly amused by her but steered clear because she was always one of those people who could make you feel stupid in two seconds...if it suited her. We didn't become friends until months later, and when we did, it was like a whirlwind romance of sorts. We hung out an insane amount, and became part of each other quickly. What I didn't know, she did. What she didn't say, I would. My introduction to the "Nate's" was a fully powered Heather Lynn move...and it was a good one. I remember nights of dancing in the kitchen, long conversations, and sleeping on the couch. Those boys were such an ingrained part of our lives during those days, and it nearly unheard of to go a weekend without saying "Let's see what the Nate's are doing." I learned a lot about myself and what I was capable of during those months.

It feels nice to remember things.

Especially on days like today.