Justified nothing.

I would get in my car, put in some Dave Matthews, and drive. I wouldn't stop to think of anything or anyone, and I wouldn't stop until I felt that I couldn't stand it any longer.

There is something so liberating about driving alone. Living alone. Being alone.

Not worrying about the rules of relationships, soceity, the world....it all feels so free. Not lonely; free.

I often wonder if I am made to love another. If I am wired to fully love and support another person. As humans, we are automatically selfish, and I sometimes think that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I was alone the rest of my life. Not because I couldn't deal with having someone, but because I am simply no good at it.

I only want to prove myself right.

I want to push until it is all gone; at which point I will say to myself "See, it was bound to happen that way. It always does." And therefore, being justified when I say that relationships are no good. That people are no good.

Yet, it is only me.

Self destructive.