Nothing more than apathy.
Apparently my mother asks about me all the time, and this is what my sister tells her. She says that I want to travel the world, save some kitties, write a few books, paint a few pictures, and acquire some sort of doctorate in deep thinking.
My sister is a funny girl.
In many ways, I think I am as lost and confused as I was a year ago. It comes and goes, and I suppose that no life is complete without the questions. You know them.
Today marked another day on the path to My Life. I like to think of it that way because as soon as I start to think that I have really lived, I start to loosen my grip on everything I hold so close.
Not that this makes any sense to you. My head is a trove of sorts (a fact which amuses me because, by definition, a 'trove' is something of unknown ownership). Again, probably not making sense.
Lately, I have felt as though I am standing in beach sand. The kind that you stand in at the waters edge, and watch as it washes over your feet. As the water recedes, you get the feeling that you are rushing backwards....when really, you haven't moved.
The obvious metaphors: Water-Life. Sand-Daily obstacles.
I have repeatedly felt as though I am going backwards; all the while knowing that I haven't, and that it is my own head playing tricks on me. The real question is, when does one become smarter than their head?
The fact that I am able to recognize all of it and still remain powerless to stop it is almost laughable. I know where my errors lie, and I continue to let them lie there.
And what if my entire realm of thinking is utterly skewed? What if the problem is merely that I think too much?
My entire existence is currently based on what I know to be True. True like the fact that tomorrow will inevitably come, and I will probably laugh many times during the day. True like the fact that my kitty likes to bite my feet, and my sister likes the smell of me when I get off work. True like the fact that I can Love, and I will always do what will invariably make me happy.
True like the idea that I want to travel the world, save some kitties, write a few books, paint a few pictures, and receieve my "unoffical" doctorate in deep thinking.
The problem of today is my passing thought of tomorrow.
