The background noise you never knew existed.

It was right after the sun had gone down, and the heat of the day was still overpowering the chill of night.

It took all the self restraint I had not to lay down in the middle of the sidewalk and watch the sky become darker.

Sunsets aren't my favorite. The moments right after are. The moments right before it becomes completely black and the stars appear.

That's my favorite.
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I've been struggling lately.

I am currently caught in too many positions that test my integrity and inner strength. And some days, I just want to throw a tantrum and handle everything the way a young child would.

I've been struggling with the idea of God. How to handle the actions of others. How to turn everything into something positive rather than negative. How to stop doing the things I know I shouldn't. How to relate to people without comprimising who I am.

And most importantly, how to embrace life when it's really the last thing I feel like doing.

Sometimes, I just want to feel angry. I just want to argue. I just want to get my own way. And I just want to push the one little button that I know I shouldn't. I want to get all the answers I long for, and I want to be satisfied knowing that I got the truth.

Sometimes, I hate searching. I hate the "journey of life". I hate the "seek and you will find" saying. I hate having to be patient, and I hate knowing that certain questions will always remain unanswered. Sometimes, I hate having to trust.

Sometimes, I wish to see the world with childish simplicity.

I wish to embrace those rare moments between life and living. Those moments where you aren't really thinking, you're just acting on impulse. Where you are nowhere but stuck in a fleeting moment that may soon be forgotten.

I am most certainly not naive.

But maybe my wishes are.