::Unexpected Liberation::
"drinking coffee; making plans to change the world."

Captive nothingness.

November 14, 2006
Oh yes.

It is my diaryland update.

I write on myspace [oh so much] more, and quite fancy it, but this entitles me more privacy.

I have left it so vacant that nobody checks it anymore. Score one for me.

So, here is my story:

Seattle is wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better place to spend this past year, and I have learned a large quantity of things about myself. I am only twenty one [almost twenty two-yay me!], and I can pay my own bills, have my own apartment, and make plans for my future without being scared. I absolutely adore it here.

Freedom and independence is something we all take for granted.

However, all that I have learned has one major drawback. I am incredibly lonely.

I barely keep in contact with the people who were my best friends, and I can't even stomach the fact that they may want to come visit. I have become someone they don't know, and while my core is the same, I will never be what I once was. On the same token, I still haven't fully opened myself up to the friends I am making now. I feel stuck between two different worlds, and it's draining--and lonely.

No longer will I be that girl who goes to church. My idea of God is much different this time around, and it's something not many people would understand. Some days, it's not something even I understand. I'm happy though, and that feeling of contentment with my spirituality hardly leaves me.

I have also found a school that I really want to obtain a degree from.

In London.

My mind is just blown away that they would actually accept me, and that I might be able to get my degree in Journalism. It's been my dream since I was ten--and having it be at my fingertips brings me to tears. Literally.

I haven't told anyone. I can barely say it to myself, and the thought of leaving this wonderful place is enough to silence me forever. I don't feel like I am settling-I am just in love with my current life.

...And giving up my dream? It kills me inside.

My story-it has no major ending. Nothing spectacular, and certainly nothing to end this entry with...and that's okay.

Happy. Blah. Goodnight.

11:14 p.m. ::
prev :: next