I shoulda been on a reality show

I'm full of sighs.

Today was an interesting day. My brother had surgery, my mom almost swallowed plastic from subway, I got lost downtown and I hung out with myself.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling right now.

Lots of things have been happening to me lately, and while I'm excited, part of me wishes that they weren't happening.

I'm slowly becoming a different person. Yes, I know that you know this already. I have devoted many hours of writing to this topic, and much personal speculation as well. There has also been no hesitation to share this, and so many of you already know. Still, just like there are no two snowflakes alike, everyday for me is different and life changing. Kinda dramatic? You could say that.

My personality is changing. My circle of friends used to be very limited, and there were times when I could hardly hold a conversation with someone I wasn't extremely close to. Who am I kidding? I could hardly hold an conversation. Period.

Now, things are amazingly different.

Not only do I have friends that are girls, but I talk to lots of people. I even surprise myself sometimes. I'm not shy anymore, and the difference it has made in my life is incredible. Even more surprising: most of it happened after Rick and I broke up. You'd think that would have made it worse, but it didn't. I realized that it was something that contributed to our breakup, and more important, something I wanted to change about myself...but I'd never gotten around to it.

I've also let go of a lot of things.

There were many things that I held in, and many things that contributed (great word) to my unhappiness. I have let it all go. I just don't want to waste my time being hurt by things that I can't change or even fix. I want to move forward with my life, and I've been making amends with those I've hurt and letting go of those who have hurt me. I just don't want to be unhappy anymore.

But more important than these things is the change that I feel deep within myself.

I like who I am, and there hasn't been a single moment in the past few months when I've wished to be someone else. I'm happy with my actions, my choices and my overall self. Most of you "knew me when" like Ryan, Monica, James, Rick, Dustin..etc. And I've probably raised a few eyebrows with my "I've changed so much" entries..and that's okay. Just know that I'm finally happy.