Dear God,
It�s been awhile since I last wrote You. In fact, I know it�s been awhile since we�ve really talked at all. Our relationship hasn�t been much of anything lately, and I know it�s my fault. You�ve been such a good friend, and I feel like I�ve let You down. So I�m going to write You a letter, and hopefully we can catch up a little.
Lately, I�ve felt out of control. I can�t seem to get focused�or at least focused on the right things. I tend to get carried away, and keep company that isn�t strengthening my life. I�m letting myself get too caught up in things that only serve the moment, and letting the big picture become skewed. I know You see all of these things, and I�m sure You�re a little disappointed in me. I�m sorry. I know I don�t say it enough, but I am. I�m sorry for not being a more loving child, but I�m working on it. Really.
As much as I write about giving things up, it�s hard. You know how rough things have been, and it seems that even though You�re the only one I can talk to about it, I can�t bring myself to do it. I know that everything in my life is part of Your plan for me, and You�re not going to let me down�but why do things have to hurt so much? I love you so much Father, and I desparately want to please You and make You proud�but I also want the pain to go away. I want it to go away so badly that I�m willing to do anything to get rid of it�and I know it�s not pleasing to You. I�m so sorry. I�m so impatient sometimes�or all of the time.
For Your sake, I wish I wasn�t so unhappy. You�ve given me only what You know I can handle�.and it seems that most of the time, I can�t even do that. I get so depressed, and I feel so isolated from everything and everyone around me�even You. I feel like a huge let down, and I can barely hold my head up and sing about Your amazing love without feeling a little shame. I can see and feel all the changes that have taken place in my life since You�ve come into it, and they�re incredible Lord�honestly. Things have also become much harder though, and I feel like the harder I try to live for You, the more difficult it is.
We�ve lost touch, and it hurts. It makes everything harder, and it makes me feel horrible. You want me to find my way back to You on my own, and I�m too stubborn to do so. I find myself getting upset with You, and none of it is Your fault. You never promised to run my life, and expecting great things is too much for me to ask. You give me unconditional love and patience and understanding..and here I am, wanting more. You love a selfish child, God. I don�t know how You do it because I would have lost patience a long time ago. Haha�that�s a perfect example of why I�m me and You�re You.
Yeah, so maybe it wasn�t that funny.
Alright, well I think it�s about time to go to bed. I�m not sure what else to say. I do love You, regardless of what my actions are saying. Please continue to be understanding, I need You.
