a fine line between "this and that"

ah, words to live by.

i create my life around other people. i live my life through circumstances much beyond my control. i smile in spite of unspeakable pain, and i cry in the most unassuming situations.

looking at it now, i'd say i live in a very backwards way.

my feelings about any given situation are always intensified a million times more than anyone i know. of course, this could be seen as a bad thing. personally, i don't think that it is. but to each her own, i guess.

i had a talk with jeremy the other night. ha, when have i not "had a talk with jeremy"? i have been sort of mean to him lately, and i was attempting to explain my behavior.

i must pause to explain that i can be mad at anyone. anyone. i can hold a grudge, and be just as difficult as a small child when i feel that someone is ganging up on me. jeremy is not one of those people. for some insane reason, i CANNOT be angry with him for very long. and this is an amazing thing, while killing me at the same time.

continuing...

so i was trying to explain why i have been so irrational lately. i know the reasons behind it, but they are not so easily explainable. fianlly, i broke it down for him. and like the great guy he is, he said "i understand, you can take it out on me." awwwwww. now, why did he have to go and say that?? it's moments like these when i remember why he is my best friend.

and yes, i would love to share the "unexplainable" with you (the reader) but honestly, i do not think you are capable of getting it. you might think you do, and you might even be able to relate. but i seriously doubt it.

my faith in humankind has not been restored by one of my talks with jeremy.