I can't be who I am, without paying the price for who I once was

I've written entry after entry about it, and tried hard to just move on, but it stays with me.

Like a bad math problem that I can't seem to solve. No matter how hard I try, my solution never fits and it's always coming up on tests and making it difficult to pass.

I always hated math.

Like Monica said, you need someone that you can look up to. You need to have someone in your life that you can trust and model yourself after. I wish I could have had that, otherwise, I might not be so disturbed by what I can never change.