A Dawsons Creek sort of moment.
In the future, I think it will help me to know that I thrive on change. It's something I realized with my move here, and it's something that I will continue to realize as I continue to live. I am not content with a boring existence, nor am I content with knowing that I am settling for the said existence.
I'm confusing. Sorry.
Life has been going quite well lately. I continuously have visions of myself dancing barefoot in a field of marigolds while Paula Cole sings "I don't want to wait" in the background....but I am incredibly happy.
I feel free. I feel unstoppable. I feel confident.
I had a conversation today with an old friend of mine. Someone who knew me last year while working in California, and who saw me run around barefoot for two months and drop my fork in the dirt...only to promptly pick it up again and start eating.
We talked about God. About how I haven't been to church the entire time I've lived here, and how I haven't prayed a single prayer for anything. We talked about my reasons for doing so, and how I haven't forgotten about God....but how my vision of Him has changed. I left the conversation wishing to see my friend, and feeling farther away from solving anything than before.
I don't think that I am upset with how my life has changed since moving, and as Heather Lynn once put it "I know you've gone off to Seattle and found yourself...and now we can really get down to business once you come back!" My life has changed, my outlook has changed, and even parts of my personality have changed. And I would never take them back, but there is no denying that something is missing.
I just don't know what it is and how to fix it.
I just want to continue to feel free.
