Just let me fall.
It hit me all at once too, and it's been long in coming.
I've had my lonely days, and I've had my depressed days. I've also had days where there isn't a single place I'd rather be...even if I'm only sitting on my front step. Truth be told, I love Washington.
Tonight though, I would have given anything for the chance to go back. To be sitting at Amigos with my friends, eating chips and salsa and laughing with everyone. I miss them.
I like my new friends, and I've more crazy adventures then I ever had in Tennessee. I've been given the chance to grow up here, and I've been living life to the fullest extent (with the best of my ability and time). Over time though, I've realized that I have only let parts of myself show. My subconscious gut feeling (ha. You like that?) tells me that becoming too close to anyone here isn't the best idea, and I suppose that I have been 'subconsciously' doing just that. Somewhere deep down, I just don't think they'd like all of me. And that's where it starts to hurt.
I miss my best friends. Those people who saw me at my worst, heard my awful stories, whitnessed my breaking points. Those people who loved me regardless of the fact that I analyze life, reflect on the past, have dreams for my future. My best friends who hugged me when I cried, cared when they hurt my feelings, and forgave me when I hurt their own. They knew me better than I knew myself, and laughed (even if they weren't sure why) when I did or said something stupid. I wasn't labeled. I wasn't put into a catagory.
I was just Cass.
Tonight, I realized that no matter how hard I try to make new friends, it isn't going to come as easily as before. It seems that everywhere I look, I am met with very 'on the surface' people. They only want to know the 'fun' Cass. The Cass who is down for anything, open to everything, and willing to try it all. The don't want to know the girl behind it all, and after awhile, it's started to hurt.
Badly.
I just want to leave for awhile.
