Share this smile.
Normally, I keep my room fairly neat. Everything has a place, and I try to keep my clothes up off the floor. If you came into my room at any given time, you'd probably see a few pairs on pants on the chair, maybe some socks on the floor and papers on my desk. I'm a clean person...but I do live here.
Anyway, tonight I cleaned (and I mean cleaned) out my closet, my dresser, and under my bed. I took six or seven bags to my car filled with things to give to Goodwill, took about five hundred things to the trash bin downstairs, and could hardly hold in the sneezing when it came to the dust. I knew I was a packrat (a horrible one), but I never imagined all the things that I had kept.
Why did I decide to do this?
Well, it wasn't because I was bored. And certainly not because I honestly cared about cleaning my room. Nope, to sum it up...I've changed. About 98% of the things I've kept are disgusting reminders of things I'd much rather forget. I just didn't see any need to keep them around anymore...and so into the trash they went.
I thought that I'd feel a little remorse after I tossed them. I only just finished my quest a few minutes ago, but I figured that I'd feel something for those things that I'd once kept for the memories. Nope. No regrets. In fact, I'm glad to see it all go.
If I'm going to start fresh, then I might as well start in my living space right?
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It's hard to describe me right now.
I have very good intentions of doing what I set out to do. I believe that I will follow through, and eventually come to an even better place than I am right now. Many good things have been happening, and many good revelations and expieriences have brought me to where I am tonight...it's exciting.
I can't help but wonder what's next, though.
The one glaring exception to my otherwise happy life has become the one thing I don't want to face. I can be stoked to tackle the issue now, but as it draws closer and closer...I just can't seem to be happy about it. I question my choices all day long, and question my attitude towards that final conversation. I know that, inevitably, it will happen...but how I'm going to handle it remains a mystery. I've got my mind made up about what I want to do; but a slight push in either direction could decide it for me as well.
So, we'll see.
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Basically, I'm in good spirits.
I'm having the time of my life discovering new things, new people and new situations. Over the past few years, I've become more and more of a loner, and that has hindered everything from school to relationships to work. I've more or less retreated into myself and haven't been able to come out much and enjoy life for what it is.
Finally though, I can.
Maybe breaking up was the best thing for me. Life took on a whole new meaning, and I learned so many things about myself. I've doubted my feelings too much in the past, and I'm finally figuring out what it is that I'm truly feeling. It's incredible.
