Made In Canada

Even as I write that, I know that nothing I can tell you will do him justice. The intensity of his gaze, the light of his smile...those things simply can't be told. Just experienced.

I met him a little more than two months ago, and my honest first impression was "Who is this guy?" He was cute, wore the same hat everyday, and didn't talk much. When he did talk, it was almost always something sarcastic and funny, but his eyes held the look of someone who had seen much and knew many things.

I was drawn to him, naturally.

During that time, I was in the process of learning some hard lessons. I would sit alone and reflect, and write a lot. Jay and I had the relationship of two people simply working at summer camp together. Neither of us really knew the other, and we said our "Hello"'s in passing...but that was it. As the weeks went on, we were cast in a few plays together, and talked a little more. His opinion on those "hard lessons" was an interesting one, and I can remember one particular day when his perceptions made me cry. It wasn't his fault, I was just being emotional, but I could see that making me cry surprised him a little.

About a month before camp ended, we had a night.

It was a Wednesday night, and after the play that night we were sitting off to the side having a conversation. Among many things I won't repeat (partly because I can't remember everything that was said) he confidently said "It's because you like me."

I was dumbfounded.

No guy had ever boldy accused me of liking them with such confidence in their voice. And the realization that I didn't actually know how to handle this situation with the grace and maturity I'd worked to perfect didn't sit well with me either. My first reaction? How dare he accuse me of something he knew nothing about? So I told him so, and he laughed and suggested we take a walk. So we did.

A few hours later, nothing was really solved. Of course, I was crazy about him, but I wasn't about to admit it then. Oh no, not after being accused of such.

And so the days went on. We eventually kissed, we eventually became something of a couple, we eventually admitted to each other that we each held very strong feelings towards the relationship. We both also knew that the summer would end, and he would be in Canada finishing school, and I would be here.

Many things about Jay told me that he was very different. For one thing, he came along at a time when I wasn't looking for anything. Many of the hard lessons I learned over the summer had to do with a previous relationship, and I wasn't looking to find anyone else. I was content to just be, and be alone. I felt secure in the knowledge that there weren't many men out there for me, and I was going to find any of them in the mountains of California.

Not the case.

He is 27, intelligent, silly, considerate, deep, beautiful, kind, loves the outdoors, motivated, loves God, loves his family, talented, and has an appreciation for all things lovely. I adore him, and it's been awhile since I've told someone that and actually felt nervous.

The verdict? I have no idea. We live in two different worlds as far as the distance goes. We're different in some personality ways, but not many. I love my music, and to him, most of it is noise. I have a favorite TV show, and he'd rather go camping than watch. He's many things that I admire, and our summer together taught me a lot. My tolerance for some things has dropped, and increased for others. My life is changing, and he's the only one I want to talk to about it. He's one of the most incredible men I know, and I think about him often.

Now you all know my big secret of the summer. I met a boy and his name is Jay.